


Build my walls up, concrete castle

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-23
Updated: 2006-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-02 14:11:59
Rating: Teen & Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8670640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: [Season 1: Bloody Mary] Dean wants to know why Sam used him. Fourth in the Headlights, Highways 'verse.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

**Build my walls up, concrete castle***  
* _Down_ by Something Corporate  
**Summary:** [ _Season 1: Bloody Mary_ ] Dean wants to know why Sam used him.  
**Fandom** : _Supernatural_ (Sam/Dean)  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 816  
**Characters:** Sam, Dean  
**Warnings:** implied Wincest  
**Author’s Notes:** Part of the _Headlights, Highways_ ‘verse; read in order.  
  
1\. Headlights, Highways (Your Life Collides With Mine)  
2\. We don't need anything or anyone  
3\. I'd like to say the things I could never say to your face  
  
 

> \- - -   
>    
>  It was somewhere between Indiana and running out of empty space and endless silence that Dean realized, really realized, that Sam had used him. And it was such an odd term to pin on his brother, his younger brother, the one that he shouldn’t even be thinking of as using anyone – especially not him.  
>    
>  Dean never said anything, just watched Sam sleep, like it made all the difference in the world that Dean could just watch him sleep. And some days, it did.  
>    
>  \- - -  
>    
>  It was somewhere between one motel bed and a God given clarity that Dean only finds every few hundred miles that he speaks up. He’s pulling his shirt off, carefully avoiding looking too desperate as Sam undresses also. Their backs face each other, one on either side of the bed; the most subtle of signs, saying _it’s over, don’t push it._  
>    
>  “You still love her, don’t you?” Dean asked and it’s the most obvious answer – of course he still loved her. Dean wouldn’t expect anything else, but somewhere in his twisted broken self, he hoped Sam would say no.  
>    
>  Sam paused; his thumbs were hooked in his jeans and he sighed, shoulders falling as though he was suddenly beaten down. Like just the words were enough to break him. “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” he answered in a small voice.  
>    
>  “We have to sometime,” Dean retorted – he just wanted to hear Sam talk because he knew he could pretend Sam actually wanted to.  
>    
>  “We’ve already talked about it,” Sam growled darkly and yanked his jeans down, kicking them off and across the floor. He was crawling into the bed, back still facing Dean and pulling the blanket high over his head, when Dean reached out and squeezed Sam’s elbow, making him look over his shoulder.  
>    
>  “How could you lead me on like that, Sam?” Dean whispered. “If you’ve loved her this whole time, then why’d you fuck me, huh?”  
>    
>  Sam didn’t answer, not right away. He looked Dean straight in the eyes, his own growing dark with fury and disbelief, before yanking his elbow from Dean’s grasp. “Because it hurts, Dean! I hurt _everyday_ ,” Sam snapped. “Do you know how painful it is to wake up every morning, expecting to see her face and then it dawns on you – she’s not there? And that she is never, ever coming back?”  
>    
>  Dean, who had been leaning close to Sam, pushed away, as though Sam’s words burned the air around him and he suddenly couldn’t breathe.  
>    
>  “You’re just pissed off I moved on and you can’t own me, like you think you do,” Sam hissed through clenched teeth before he fell back on the bed, back facing Dean once again.  
>    
>  “I thought that this – us – meant something more than a cheap way for sex.” Dean’s voice sounds broken and worn; he’s tired and he just wants to curl up in Sam, like he knows he should. But everything is wrong and it never turned out the way he thought it would when he went back for Sam. He thought… he thought Sam would want him the same way. He thought nothing had changed, like the way it should have.  
>    
>  “It did, Dean,” Sam muttered into the pillow. “But I still love Jess and I forgot about what we had a long time ago.”  
>    
>  Dean didn’t know if those words should’ve hurt him as bad as they did. “I mean nothing now?”   
>    
>  “You’re my brother,” Sam answered. There was a small pause; then, “and that’s all.”  
>    
>  Dean stood by the edge of the bed for what seemed hours, staring at Sam’s back, waiting for him to turn over and apologize, like he should have. Dean expected Sam to buckle and cave, to beg for forgiveness; beg for one more chance, beg for Dean and everything Dean was willing to give him. But Sam never did.  
>    
>  Dean got into the bed and pressed his chest against Sam’s back, feeling him stiffen at the touch. “Just remember Sam,” Dean whispered hotly in Sam’s ears and he could see the shivers run down his brother’s neck. “You’re the one who kissed me that night. I didn’t ask for this – you did.”  
>    
>  But it still never changed a thing.  
>    
>  \- - -   
>    
>  It was somewhere between Sam turning away and Dean feeling like the world hadn’t really failed him that much that nothing happened, like Dean expected it to. He wondered if Sam expected more out of him, if he was waiting for Dean to cave… like Dean wanted Sam to. But that’s the problem with wanting the same thing – they wait and wait for the other to break so they can declare victory to themselves and claim their prize, but while they haunt each other’s presences like ghosts in shadows, they never realize that the other won’t give up until the other one gives in.  
>    
>  And neither will give in.


End file.
